What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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