I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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