Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
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Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
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currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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