New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
