you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
