we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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