genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
