So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Holy sore nipples Batman
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
