I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
