I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize