No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
