my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.