Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you