I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I got inside last night via doggy door
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?