Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.