I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.