I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?