Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
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He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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