I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
