My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
