I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slut skills are useful in every country.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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