I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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