i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
