this beer tastes like vomit already
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
