Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
