I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
