I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
