Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
soo... how was my night?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
