hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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