I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
