The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
