This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
