Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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