I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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