she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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