i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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