I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I want to make a zoo with you.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
