But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
