My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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