fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
