you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
