Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
