I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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