is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize