turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
