then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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