So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
