DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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