You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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