I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
