Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
