You made me cry and you don't even care
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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