So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
