Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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