i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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