You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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