YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
