I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
