i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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