Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
