i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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