Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
