Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
