don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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