ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
