Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
