a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
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Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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