Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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