He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
