she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
