Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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