Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize