He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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